METAFILTER'S SEXIEST MEFITE

(this is in no way a part of metafilter.com or any of its subsidiaries)

Meet seanyboy!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

-@-

2. How do you like yr taters?

BOILED FOR THREE HOURS WITHOUT ANY SEASONING. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE YOUR TATERS.


3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

GOD. I REALLY HOPE NOBODY SAYS MISSIONARY HERE. THE QUESTION IS ASKING FOR AN OPINION. NOT A SEXUAL POSITION. ANYWAY GRILLED CHEESE IS DANGEROUS AND TOO EXCITING. AS IS CHEESE. AND MILK. AND GRILLING. 


4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?   

THESE ARE THE CLOTHING CHOICES OF STEREOTYPICAL PIMPS. AS SUCH I DO NOT APPROVE. THIS IS ALL ACADEMIC THOUGH AS I DO NOT APPROVE OF SEX, CASUALNESS OR SHENANIGANS EITHER. 


5. I know more about ____ than you can possibly imagine. (fill in the blank)

YOUR SLEEPING PATTERNS AND CHOICE OF SLEEPWEAR

Optional extra credit: 
ASCII image of yourself that may or may not show up properly formatted (no more than ~65 characters wide)

FEAR MY ASCII ART SKILLS:

       O
       |
>----|----<
       ^
      / \ 
     /   \
    -     -
  

Meet The White Hat!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

8============================!?

2. How do you like yr taters?

SEALED IN A FOIL PACKET AND THEN GRILLED OH YEAAAAAAH

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

Missionary.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

Casual sex in pinstripes is like causal Friday at the Vatican. 

5. I know more about _____ than you can possibly imagine.

YOU

YOUR BEDROOM

8888888OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO8
8D=======~~=~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:::~~~:::::~::::~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DOO
8D=====~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~::::::::::::::::~~~~~~:::::::::::~:~~~~~~~~~~~~DOO
OD====~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:~::~:~~:::::::::::::::::~~~~:::::::::::::::~~~~~~~~~~~~DOO
OD===~~~~~~~~~:I8OOO8888?:::::::::::::::::::::~~~:::::::::::::::::::~~~~~~~~~DOO
OD~~~~~~~~~~=Z$OOOOO888O8OOZ~::::::::::::::::::~~:::::::::::::::::::::~~~~~~~DOO
OD=~~~~~~~~=$$$$ZOZOO8O88OOOZ~::::::::::::::::::~::::::::::::::::::::::~~~~~~DOO
OD~~~~~~~~~O$$$$$ZZZOO8OOOOOOO::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::~~~8OO
OD~~~~~~~~ZZZ$77$$$ZOOOOOOOOZZ$:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::~~~DOO
OD~~~~:~OOZZ$$77$$$ZZOOOOOOOOOZ=:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DOO
OD~~~~~8OOZZZ$$777$$ZZOOOOOOZZOZ~::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,:::::::::::::::8OO
OD~~~~:OOOZZZ$$7777$$ZZOOOOOOZOZZ::::::::::::::::::::::::,,,,:,::::::::::::::DOO
OD~~~::OOOZ$ZZ$777I7$$ZOOOOOZOZZZZ:::::::::::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,::::::::::::8OO
OD~::::=ZZZZZZ$$77777$ZZZOOZOZZZZZI,,::::::,:::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::,,::::::8OO
OD~~~:::ZZZZZZ$$777777$$ZZZOOOOZZZ$=::::::::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::::::8OO
OD::::::~ZZZ$ZZZ$77I777$ZOOOZZOZZZZ$,,::::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:,:,:::8OO
O8:::::::IZZZ$$$$777777$$ZZZOZOZZZZZ$:,::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:,:8OO
OD::::::::ZZZ$$$$$7777I7$ZZZZZZZZZZZ$I,::::::::~:::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::::8OO
O8::::::::=$ZZ$$$$$77I777$$ZZZZZZZZZZ$=::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::::::::8OO
OD:::::::::$ZZZOZZ$$$77777$ZZZZZZZZZ$$$:::::::::::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,::::::::::~~DOO
O8:::::::::~ZZOOOZ$Z$$77777$$ZZZZZZZZ$$$::::,:,::::::::::::::::~~~~==========DOO
O8::::::::,,$ZZOOZZ$$$$7777$$$ZZZZZZZZZ$$::,,,:::,::::::::,:::~~=============DOO
O8:::::::::,~$ZZZZZ$$$$$7777$$$ZZZZZZZZZ$I,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DOO
O8:::::::::::$$OZZOZZ$$$777I$$$ZZZZZZZZ$$$,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:::::::::~~~~~~~8OO
O8:::::::::~~=$ZZZZZZZZ$77777$$ZZZZZZZZZZ$7,,,,,,,::~~~:,,,,,::::::::::::::::8OO
O8:::::::::~=~I$ZZZZZ$$$$77777$$ZZZZZZZZ$$$7,,,,,:~+IZZ+~:,,,,::::::::::~~~::8OO
O8:::::::::~~~=$ZZOZZZZ$$$77777$$$ZZZZZZZ$$$~,,::=?ZZZZZZ=:,,,,:::::::~=?7?=~DOO
O8:,,,,,,,::::~+$ZZZOOZZ$$77777$$$ZZZZZZZZ$$$::~=?$$7ZZZZZ+~::~~======+IOOO$?D88
O8,,,,,,,,:::::~$ZZZOOZOZ$$$$777$$ZZZZZZZZ$$$7??IZ$7II$$$$$I?????????I7OZOOOZNDD
O8,,,,,,,,,:~~~~=7ZZOOZZZ$$$$I7$7$ZZZZZZZZZ$$$$?IZZ$7$7II7$Z7???????I7Z$$ZOZZNDD
O8,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:$ZZOOOOZZZ$$$7$7$$ZZZZOZZZZ$$$7?I7$OO$77$ZZI?+++++?7ZO777Z$$NNN
O8,,,,,,,,,,..,,,.$ZZOOOZOZZ$$$7$$$$$ZZZZZZZ$$$$?II$DD8ZO88$I===~~~+IOZZZOOZZNNN
O8::,,,,,,,,,,,.,,$ZZOOOOOOZZ$$$$7$$ZZZZZZZZZ$$$$?7ODDDDDD$=,,,,,,,,~I7$8D88ONNN
OD=+~:,,,,,...,,,,,$ZOZOOOOOZ$$$$77$$ZZZZZZZZZ$$$7?7O8DDDI~,,,.....,,+$ZDDDDDMND
O8~?=:,,,,,,....,,,OZOOOOOOZZZ$$$77$$$$$ZZZ$Z$$$$7+=+???~,,,,,......,,?88DDDNMD8
Z8:?=:,,,,,,.....,,.ZOOOOOOOZZZ$$$77$$$$$ZZZZ$$$$7I::::,,,,,,,.......,,:?O8O7D8O
Z8:?=:,,,,,........,IOOOOOOOOOZZ$$$777$$ZZZZ$Z$$$$77I77+,,,,,,.......,,,,,:~~8OO
Z8:?=:,,,,,.........,OOOOOOOOOOOZ$$7I?$$$IO8DDDDDNNNDDDDD88,,,.......,,,,,,,,8OO
Z8:?=:,,,,,,........,,ZOOO888OOOO$DNNNNNNNNNNDNDNNDDNDDDD887,,.......,,,,,,,,8OO
Z8:?=:,,,,,,........,,8OOOOO88ODDNNNNNNNNNN87I??+++IDDDDD88,,,......,,,,,,,,:8OO
Z8:?=:,,,,,,........,,.OOOO$DDNNNMNNNNZ7II+++===~~~~~~NDD8:,,,,.....,,,,,,,,:8OO
Z8:?=:,,,,,..........,,OOONNNNNNNMNNO7?===7+~~~:::,:::7D8:,,,,,....,,,,,,,,,:8OO
O8:?=:,,,,,,......,,,,,~Z8NNNNNMMMNO7?++==+=~:~:,,::~:78:::,,,,,..,,,,,,,,,,:8OO
Z8:?+:,,,,,,.....,:~~=IOONNNNNMNMNDZ?===~~:~~=I?:,:~:,:+:::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:8OO
O8:?+:,,,,,,....,:??IZZNNNNNNMMNNNZ+~~=?7II?777I~:,~?7?+~::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::8O8
O8~??~:,,,,,....,:+I$O$NNMNNMMNNMO=~~=+I7$+$$Z$I~:~7?7++~~~~~~:~~=~:,,,:::~==D8D
O8~II=::,,,,....,:?7OO$NM=+I+ZNNO7~~?+7$$I?II$$+~:,,??+=~~~~~::~=+?~::::::=+?NDD
O8~II=:::,,,....,:I$O8NNN$ZI7ZO8Z+==~=+I$77$7+~~=~:,~=+:~=~~:::~=??+~~~::~~~+DDD
O8~II=::::,,,...,:IO8ZNMMI77OO78ZI~:::::::::,::~~~~:,,:,===~~~:~+I7?+~~~~~~~+DDD
O8=I7=~::::,,,..,:IOO7+MMMZ?ZZ?OZ$~~:::::::::=?===+~::::=====~~=+II?+=~~~~~=?NDN
O8~I7=~:::::,,..,~NNDD7MNMM+=+OZ$Z+~~~::::::~I=7III?I?:,==+++===+?I?++=~~~=+?NNN
O8~I$=~~::::,,,,:~NNNN$,MMMN==8ZNO8=~~~:::::+:::~?~~::+:==++++=+?I7??+=====+IMN8
O8~I$+~~:::::,,:?+IDDN$+~MMMMMOOODO7~~:::::I=:::~:~:=:,+=++++==+??I??++==+?I$MD8
OD=I$+~~~:~::,,,~?DNNDZI++~MNNZ78O8O7=~~~~=+~~=?77Z$II~+=++++++++?+++++==+I$8ND8
O8=IZ+~~~~~~:,,:?I+ION7++I?++N8I$8DDD8?~=~7?7$~:=?7ZZ=,~++++?IIIIII??+++=+?7OND8
O8~IZ+~~~~~~:::+??I7$8DZI?+++7D7IZDDDD8O8ZZI$$ZZZOOO$ZZ?+++??III77I???+++++?IDDD
OD~?Z?~~~~~~::~??$$77ZO7MND888,7I?7ZODNN8DDZ$Z8ZZ$$$$7O++++?IIIII7III??+++++IND8
DD~?Z?~~~~~~::~7O8OZZ8OOMNMMDD:,ZIII$ZZ8NNDDOZ$ZOZOZZ$+++??II7777777II??+++?7ND8
ND=?Z?~~~~~~~:=$N8NNMN$ZNNNDDDN:::+I7$$$ZZ$$ZOOZ$I?I?+++???IIIIIIIIIII??????7ND8
NM=?Z?~~~~~~~:=$NN7$I??8NDDDDNDZ:,,:.7$$$$$$$$7$7.I?+++????????????????????I$NN8
NN=?ZI=~~~~~~~?ONDII?+?NDDDNNNNNM::::,,$$$$777I?I+8II?????????????????II???I$NND
NMI?OI=~~~~=++INN8II?+DNDNDDDDNNNDD:~DD~,III7II?.8D888D8D8Z??????????IIIIII7$NNN
NM8ZOI==~+?ZDDNMMO??8NNDDNDDNNNNNNIMNDDDNDN,+?$=88O888DDDDDDD8Z?????????IIII$NNM
NMOO?+~~+I8NMNMMMODNDNDNNDNMNNNNNNN=7NDNDDDD8DDDNDDDNN8DDDDDDDD88$I????????I$NNM
NM88?~~+7NNMMNDDDDNNNDDNDNNNNNDDNDNM$NNDNNNNNNMNNDDDNDDDDNDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIII7$NNM
NM88$~~=IDDDDNDDNNNNNDNMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDI:=I8DDDDMNDDDDDDDDDDDDDN77$$$$$ZNNM
NM88Z=+DNNNNNNNNNNDNMNNNMNNNMNNNNNNMMMNNDDN,+,,,:=ZM7,+DDDDDDDDDDDNDNN$ZZZZ$$NNM
MM8DDNDNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMNNNNNDNNMMDDN:,,,,,,,,,,,,,NDDDDDDDDNDNNNN888DOOONNM
MMNNNMNDMNMNNNNNNNNDNNMNNNNNNNNNMNNNNNN,:.,.,,,,,,,,,,,,NDDDDDDDDNNNMMDZZOOOONNM
MMMNNNNNNMNMNMNMNNNMNNNNMNNMMNNNNNNNNNN=,:,,,,~,,,,,,,,,MNDDNDDDNNNNMNNZZZOOONNM
MMMMMNMMMMNNNNMNNNNNNMNNNNNNMMNNNNNNNNNN.,:,,,,,,,,,,,,,.NNNNNNNNNNNMMNNZOOOONNM
MMMMMMMMMNMMNMNNMNNNMNNNMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNND:,,,,,:,,,,,,,,,DNNNNNNNMM:.,NN8OZO8MNM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM=OMMNNNNMM~MMMMNNNNNDNNNM8,,::,,:,,,,,,,,:NNNNNN=,+=,:MN8ZZO8NNM
MMMMMMMMMMMMNMMM?IMMMNOM8+MMMIDD777DMI$OZO+::~:::,:=.=:,::=OZ::N8,:$?=NNDZOO8MMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMMMNMMNNNMNNN:,,:,,,,,:~,,,,,MNNDNNM,::,MNMOZODMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM8ZOOOOOZOOOOOOOZOMMMMMMMMDONMMNNNNMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMNMMNNNMMMM

Meet forktine!

sexy mefy

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

Dancing Banana, of course.

2. How do you like yr taters?

Hot and dripping.

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

There is no position in which grilled cheese is not good.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

A lack of fedoras and pinstripes ensures that I can have sexual shenanigans.

5. I know more about ____ than you can possibly imagine. (fill in the blank)

my imagination

Meet cortex!

Retrieving Sexy Anteriorly

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

Trick question.  The ad hoc multi-character punctuation glyphs that best describe my naked form are all emotipros.

2. How do you like yr taters?

I like my taters like I like my snowclones: derived from fixed phrases such that they can through nonce fulfillment of a parameterization scheme be applied, often but not always to with humorous intent, to a wider variety of contexts than the unaltered source material would permit.


3. What is your position on grilled cheese?
I’m fine with grilling the cheese if that’s a consensual choice on the part of the cheese and there’s a clearly established safeword.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?   

Another trick question.  Fedoras and pinstripes are specifically for formal or semi-formal sex shenanigans.  And you’d better take the fedora off if you’re doing it in church.

5. I know more about the attested variant uses of the “I know more about ____ than you can possibly imagine” template than you can possibly imagine.  Here, let’s go back to my place and I can show you my blog post about it.

Meat meatbomb!

I am proud to accept this unanimous nomination!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?
:)


2. How do you like yr taters?
Obedient and docile

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?
I am the grilled fucking cheese master, I even put sliced tomato all up in that shit, with mayonnaise.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  
This question is moot, such items are strictly forbidden on my compound.

5. I know more about winning this award than you can possibly imagine.

Meet fraula!

Strawberries are hot

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

<3

2. How do you like yr taters?

With cream and fresh strawberries

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

Do you mean cream cheese? Into which you dip strawberries? Oui. Oh oui.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?   

I prefer small polkadots on a deep red ground. Abundant fertility. *wink*

5. I know more about Maine Coons than you could possibly imagine.





Meet brina!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

x_O

2. How do you like yr taters?

Hardcore, all varieties. Fried, scalloped, mashed, boiled, baked, herb roasted, stuffed. But no tots, please.

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

I make the best grilled cheese in the goddamn world. My grilled cheese is so exceptional that men who have fed upon it have been known to fall down at my feet in a dead faint. They tell me my grilling techniques make their knees tremble. They say I’ve got grilled cheese skills like they’ve never seen before. They beg for more. 

I won’t tell you what kind of cheese I use, or what kind of bread, or even what kind of grilling apparatus — those are trade secrets. But you should know that every person I’ve ever grilled cheese for has told me I could be a professional chef, if I wanted.

And you know, I would grill cheese for a living, under the right circumstances. You just watch. One o’ these days, you’ll find my little grilled cheese shop is more popular than ‘kraft.

Err … we’re just talking about sandwiches, right?

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?   

Ever seen a pinstriped patent leather bustier? Or a fedora with a built-in ball gag? No? That’s because you haven’t met me.

5. I know more about the life of LM Montgomery than you can possibly imagine. 

Meet psoas!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

8O

2. How do you like yr taters?

Smothered in Taco Bell fire sauce and eaten piping hot

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

Well, it’s like: “Do you go to town on it directly? Do you start nibbling around the edges? Do you wait until no one can see you (‘cause sometimes it gets a bit messy and is not for the squeamish casual observer)?” And I’m like “OM NOM NOM NOM, MUTHERFUCKERS!” 

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

It’s more dressy-casual, but they don’t call my style “nuevo zoot-suit picante” for nothing. Also, it matches the wet-vac scars surprisingly well.


5. I know more about hermitosis than you can possibly imagine.

Meet zomg!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

o.O

2. How do you like yr taters?

Passionately.

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

I happily eat grilled cheese sandwiches and then make more.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

I don’t have casual sex shenanigans, only serious ones. Fedoras are encouraged. And as for pinstripes, remember that scene in Cousin, Cousine? Yeah. I learned my lesson.

5. I know more about liquid waveguide uv-visible absorption spectroscopy than could possibly be imagined. I’ve seen things you … humans … wouldn’t believe, etc.

............=,~=++++.~:~~?~+I7IIIII~?I?,=:,~~:,=.. ..:.~,
. .............+??+I==:?:~==?~:I7IIIII7I7::+~::~:,:,,.......
.............~+?I?I=,:++.=?,+?..+7II$777I=7+~~~~:::,,.......
...........~~=?I?~,~+:,,=,,I7I:::~=?77777I7=,~I:::~~~:,.....
 .........:+II??++~+:+:?,=I+=?=::,7I7I77$$$$7$$$+,,:,=~:+:,.
.........I~??I++=,:I?,+$:?:7+???$II7777$$77ZZ777Z7~:,~.,.:~~
... ....$+??I?7:=~+~O+:=+III7I$7$ZZ7I7$$$77II$$$777:::~,.::~
...  ...+$IIII$++II?77I77777I$77$I7$Z777777$:7$7Z7$7::~,::~=
:,.....????III?777II7I7I7$777Z7$$$$$7$77777I=~?Z?O$77.:.:.:~
.~:...=????I?7II7$$$77I777777I7777$$7$$$$ZII7?:O$8OOO7:,:,,~
,:,:..??+III7II$77$$7$Z7I7II7?7I7I$$7$I$O777$7777$8O???~,:,:
.....:=77ZZ$77I??$I7?~=::++?I???++??7II77OI$$I?I$Z$$O:O=::,:
,....+:~$$777????=:,,,,,,:,,,,,::+7I?I??=.,Z$II$$$$77~Z,,:=+
....,7=7I~=::,,,,,,:::::::~:~~~::::::+7?.?.++,?$7IZ7?$I~:,==
++??I=?ZZ,,,,,:::~~~~:~~~~:~::~~~:::::::~=+?,~==??$ZZO~:.=.,
=??++8O$,,,,:::::~~~::~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:::::::~~:::??$O8ZDI:~,~
$$ZO8$$,,,,:,:~:~~~~~~~~=~~~~=====~~~~~::,,:::~~::~+Z$OI=,,,
I$77OI:~,,,,,,::~~~~~~======~=~~~~~~I+=?7Z~:,,,:::::~$NZ?,,,
$ZOZ~~:,,::,::,,,?+~~==++=+====+$::~~~~~:::=~:~:~~::::+7=:,~
=::=~~,~~,:::::::~~~$==+=====?Z~~~:::::~:::,,:,:=::,:::Z$=~~
I+I$I~:7=:,,~~,,==??I77?====+II=+?~~,:,,,,:,,+~+=~::~:~?$ND?
~7Z==O8~I,,,,::+7?7I??+====+II???8O?$:?77Z~:==::==~??+?~$I+~
+=:?+:I~:,~Z$I+~?+8D$IZ77$OZDZI++IZ$I????=~~::$~~~~~~~+:~+I:
~=:+~~=~:~=~??+=?7D8I?$=~~=?$7$O++?+?++++::=~~:I====~==:~=:.
++++=~~=~~=~~=====+?I=?=~~~=?7ZOI++==++=~=~==~:7~~==~~++:=,.
==+==:~+~==~==++===+I~?~~~~==I$=?=?+?+++=====:~?=~~=====::,.
~~==~~~~?~~===++====?~==~~~=+?++?==?+=+======:7=+=====?~:~,.
:,:I+=:~:I:~======$+?~?=~:~+?++==+$=?=+=+~==~:~~=~~===~~,,..
...~~~~+:~++77++I+==~~?~~~:+?=+=+=~=+++++7$~I===~~~~~~~~::..
~::+:~~~~~~~=+++++==~~?=~~~++=+~=====+=+======~~~~~~~~:++~..
::~=~~~:::::~==+++++~~I~~~=+===~=+?==+?++======~~::::,,=+=,.
~+=:?==~~::~==+=+II=~=?~~~=~======+=??I7?+=+==~~~~:~:,:I7I?=
.=++=+~~:~===+?II7?=~==~~~~~==+==?++?I777?++===~~~~:~::+?~ZD
..,:,:~:~====+?I$I?~~==~~=+++++~~=??7II7$7?+=====~~~=~+?++~.
,~,...:++~==+?7$7I+~+~=~==+++==++~+II77$7I?++====~:=??=~==..
,,,~=..+~=+++?77I?==7+==++??==II==+??7$II??+===~=~~+~=+==~::
~=~~,..~:==??III??+==?+++I7+7++=+++??II7II?+==~~~~~I,...,,,,
~=:~,,.:=?+++=++=?==?I?77I77??7?+=?=I++???=+=~~~=~+,........
~::~..,,=~=+=+=IIIO8?7II+=7Z+$7ZZ++I?=???+++=~~==:~.. . ....
......,:,:~~++I7??+7I7+?:++=Z+?I?=$7?+?+++=+==+=~+.         
.........=====+=+=~~II::~:,,==?=~~++??+?II++====I,..        
......:,~,I+===?==~~~+?I=+==+I+~~~=++???=?+=+=:?~~....      
........=.~7++=?=?==~~?I+????~~~~~=~~+=+?==+?=7?~,,......   
  ....,~+..+7?~?=??=~~~:~++~~~=~~~===?II+++++7$~~,,...,..   
  ....:=?,,:I77+=+I++=++?I7I~?=~~+?+?~?++++7?=+=~,I~+=::..  
......~=?,::~?+7+?=~~+==++=??++====??===I?I+===~,,77??~=....
....,,:=I~,,~+778I=~::~?++=+=====+=+=+??$?+?==+~::7I7+=:=:=,
.......::~.:=++?IOI~~=:+?===~=++==~+:I8?+++~=~~+~,$$I??~+?+=
==+=~~=7??:::+~:+I?77~+=++=?+=+~=~++I+I7I==~,::==~I+7$I?=?7$
:,::,=?+?=:~=~,:~?I78~I?====~~==?~=~??+$?I+::,:+:~$I$77?I$8Z
,,:~,,:?+~=~::,:~~+?=::,::==~:~::==:I+,=++~~:::+::7~$II==7I$
,=,,,:=?=:~:,,,:=~~~+~~~?~=~I+++~?+I:+~::~++~::::$$7II7+,..,

Meet herrdoktor!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

(_!_) WHEN I’M SITTING I HAVE A FLAT BONY ASS


2. How do you like yr taters?

WHEN FRESH I LIKE EM HARD BUT WHEN SOFT I WARM EM UP TO GET EM HARD AGAIN. ALSO LIKE TO DIP IN SAUCES AND CONDOMENTS. MMM CONDOMINTS.


3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

I LIKE MY GRILL CHEESE GOOPY AND OPEN-FACE. OOOH LA LA.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

NOT AT ALL. I SPORT NEITHER AND HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT MY VISAGE PROMPTS BOTH GIRLY COOS AND CURLY GOOS. SPLORT SPLORT. SEXXXXXXX COMPLETE!

5. I KNOW MORE ABOUT THE MICROCLIMATE AND TERROIR OF YON HIDDEN VALLEYS THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE. OR AT LEAST I’D LIKE TO. LET US EXPLORE! HO!

Meet doctor_negative!

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

This represents the range of reactions: (-_-) or :-@

2. How do you like yr taters?

Mashed, then licked, butter is optional

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

Place a square table such that it’s edges are aligned with points of the compass. Place a circular white plate on south side of the table such that it is exactly centered between east and west and the span of one palm from the table’s edge. Upon the plate is delivered the sandwich, which will be rye bread with a mixture of sharp cheddar and swiss cheeses. If the sandwich is to contain a tomato slice, let it be so. The butter shall be unsalted and in no way adulterated. Thus the supplicant approaches the grilled cheese, in his heart is the true yearning of one approaching bliss. A moment of reflection before any laying on of the hands shall commence, it is proper to respect the cheese and to observe it’s character. The too eager supplicant is advised to remember that hot cheese is hot, and it presents the supplicant with it’s true duality, both dangerous and desirable. The too worshipful supplicant will seek to prolong the agony/ecstasy of remaining in the presence of the cheese unmolested, are advised to remember that cold cheese is cold and no one likes cold cheese.

Thus, I have no position ON grilled cheese, but rather am looking adoringly upon it’s southern face from very near, the lover and the beloved.

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans? 

Now see, here you’re just not paying attention. Casual sex, should be casual. You can wear sweats and have pizza after, burping and farting are optional.

5. I know more about ____ than you can possibly imagine. (fill in the blank)

achieving out of body states through Tantric colon cleansing

Optional extra credit:
ASCII image of yourself that may or may not show up properly formatted (no more than ~65 characters wide)

MMMMMMNNDDD888OOO8OOOOOOOOZZOOOOO8888888OOO88DDD888DDDNNNMMM
MMMMMMMNND88OOOOOOOOO888OOOOOOOZZZZOOZZZZ$ZOOOO88DDDNNNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMNND8OOZZZZZZO888OOZZ$$$$777$$$77$$ZZZOO88DDNNMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMND8OOZZ$$$$ZZZZZ$$$$777IIIIII77$ZO88DDNNNMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMNND88OOZ$77I?IIIIIIIIII??==I$ZZODDNNNMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMNND8OOOZ$II?????+?++???IIIIO888DNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMNNNNNNNNDD88OZ$I?=+++++=~==++I$$ZOO88DDDNNNNNMMMMMMMMM
MMNND$D8DDDDDDDD88OZ7I+~::~=+=~::+?7+77+ZDD8DDDNNDDNNNNNNMMM
MN8O$$$$77?Z$Z888ZZI7+~:,,:=+?:::=+~~$Z88DDDDD888D8888DDNNMM
N8OZZZZZZ$$I7??+I7II?+~~:::??ZO::~=IIZZ$8OZOO=?$7+77$ZZO8DNM
8OOOO8OOO8O7?+?+??+?I$8DDDDDD888O77I7$$$$7I+==$I$Z$ZZZZOODDN
OOO8DDDDNNNN8$7O7II$8DNNNNNNNDDDDOZ$7$$II7Z$$7NNO$$ZZOOOO88D
O8DN8O?8NMMMNNOZ7OZONMMMMMMNNNNND888Z77$IZZNNNMMNN7Z8D8OOOOO
NNNMND=~NNN.NN::NNNNMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN,~NN.NNN~?DNNN88OO
MMMMNNND+=D=DNNNNMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNMMMMNNNNNDDDD:+DNNNNMNND8
MMMNND888O$88DD8DDMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNMMMMMNDD8888O88888DDDNNMMMM
MNDD88OOZZZZZZZ78NMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNMMMMMN8ZZ$$7ZZOO888DDNNMMM
MNDOZ$$77I7I==~$NNMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN=?????I7$ZOO88DNMMM
MNN8OZ$$7I??==NNNNNMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNDD88DDDNN:::~+??7$ZO8DNMMM
NNNDD8OO$$ODNNDDDNNNMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNDOOOO88NNN$~+++?ZODDNNNNN
8888888DDDNDD8888DNNMMMMMMMNNNMMMNNDO$ZZZZO8DNNND8DDDDDDDD88
ZZZZZOOO8888OOOZZ8NMMMMMMMNNNNMMMMND$?I?77$$ZO8DDDD888OOOOOO
ZZZZZZZOOOOZZZ$I$NMMMMMMNNNDDNNNMMNND$~+?II777$$ZZZOOZZ$$$ZZ
8OOOZOOOZZ$?$7?=+MMMMNND88888DDNMMNNNN$::=?III77$$ZOOOOZZZZZ
88OOOZZ$$777I+~:NMMNND8888O88DDDNNNNNNN,,:~++III77$ZOO88OOZZ
OOOOZ7IIII?+=~,.8NND8OOOO8OOZZZZO8DDNNN:,,:~=++?I??I$ZOOOOZZ
ZZZ$7I?II?=~~,..,DO$7II7$$$$I?I??I7O8D8,,,,,~~==+???II$ZOOZ$
ZZ$7IIII?=~~,...I=:~~===+=~:~:~~~~~==?I:,,.,:~~===???I7$ZZZ$
$$7II??+=~~,..,:=,.,=Z~,,......::~?:,,:?~,..,,:~==+???77$$$$
7III??+=~:,,,,~+ZDN,~I7I,.....,+I=~,,D8ZI~,...,:~~=+??I77$$$
7III??+==~:,,++$8DNND8OZZI:,,++?$8DNNDD8$I:,...,::=+++?I7$ZZ
77I??+?+=~::?7$ZO88888O$I+~~==+I$O888OOOZ$7=,,,,::~=+++?I7$$
77I?+???+==?7$$ZZZZOOOO?I~:===+?7$ZZZZ$Z$$7I=:,:::~====+?I77
7II???I???I777$$ZZZZOO$?~:~~+++II$$$$$7$$777?=:::~=~===+?I77
7IIIIIIII77III7$ZZZOZZ$I+?=I?II77777$$$777III+~~~======+?II7
7I?IIIIIII?++?I7$$ZZZZ$ZODND8O$777777$7I??????+=========+?II
77IIIII??+=~:~=?I77$I?+I78DD8?~~+??????+++~=+++====++++=+???
7IIII??+=~:,,,:~~~::::::~::::::,:::::::::,,,:~~~=~==+++++???
7I7I?+==~:,,,,,,,NNMMMM~==:~=~~ZNNNM,.......,,:~~~==+??++??I
777I?+=~~:::$NNNMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:,,,,::~~=+?????II
77I??=~~~~~$88ODND888888888888OOOOO88DND8OO+,,,::::~=+???III
7I??+====+7OO$I+++$I777$7Z$$$777?I77$I??+I7I?~:::::~=++??II7
7I?+++===+I$7I+=~:,,................,,:~=+?II+~:::::~=++?II7
7I?+++====+??+=~:,,...................,:~=====~:::~~~==+?I77
7I???++====+++=~:,,.......,..........,,:~~~~~~:::~~~~==+?I77
7I???+++++++++=~::,,.,,?I?+~==~:.,...,::~~~~~::::~~~~==+?I7$
OI???++++++++++==~~:=I$$777I??I77:,,,::~==~~~::::~~~===++?7D

Contest questions (submit by November 9, 2011)

Submit your answers via this link (or click on “Submit” above), identifying yourself by your user name. Log out of tumblr (you hipster!) if you are not on tumblr as your user name and you will be prompted for email and “name” in order to submit.

1. What emoticon best represents how you look naked?

2. How do you like yr taters?

3. What is your position on grilled cheese?

4. How are fedoras and pinstripes relevant to your casual sex shenanigans?  

5. I know more about ____ than you can possibly imagine. (fill in the blank)

Optional extra credit:
ASCII image of yourself that may or may not show up properly formatted (no more than ~65 characters wide)